Hello From the Dark Side

One of the hardest things that I have ever had to do was to go and visit a young couple who were in jail for murder. They were members of my church. One winter night, they had gotten into an argument with a neighbor. Yes, they all had been drinking. Teamed up together, this couple, had beaten the man almost to death. Then they had tied him up so that he was unable to help himself or get help. He had died that way…alone.

I would go and visit these two kids in jail. They were so, so sorry for what they had done. These were not nasty kids. These were nice, lovable, loving kids. This was the boy and girl “next door”.

I would visit them and ask myself how and why it could have happened — how they could have done what they definitely had done. Somehow, they had tapped into something dark and deep in themselves. Even though I knew they had done it, it was hard to believe that they had really done it.

On Groundhog’s day, we watch as the little groundhog comes out of his hole. If the Groundhog sees his shadow it is supposed to scare him so much that he goes back into his hole. This is thought to indicate that we will experience six more weeks of winter. That is a good bet because winter doesn’t officially end until at least six weeks after Groundhog Day anyway. There is another part of this I don’t quite understand: You would think that if it was a nice, sunny day it would be a sign of hope — a sign that spring was just around the corner. But the main thing seems to be the need to avoid this dark, scary shadow.

Like the Groundhog, a good look at our own dark and shadowy side can scare us. Have you ever surprised yourself by doing or saying something that is really nasty? I mean, something really vile and awful. Something so nasty that you wonder: Gee-where did THAT come from? Or maybe you just thought about the nasty thing. Something just snuck into your mind when you were not looking; and once it was in there, you couldn’t get it out. This happens because you have a dark side down in your sub-conscious. This is a shadowy side of you that you don’t know too much about — a shadowy side that you don‘t want to know too much about. But sometimes, to your surprise and often to your shame, that part of you emerges and shows itself.

One way to react to this is to run back into your hole. You can do this by claiming that this dark, shadowy side is completely foreign to you, that it is caused by factors outside of yourself, and that you are not really responsible for its existence. The other way to react is simply to admit that there is this part of yourself that is dark, shadowy and capable of foul and horrifying evil and that you are ultimately responsible for it.

I believe that healthy personalities take the second route. They take responsibility for themselves and for their thoughts and actions. They seldom use the words: “You made me.” They don’t turn over the controls to anybody else. When they say or do something, they say or do it on their own authority. They speak directly to the point. They are likely to say: “This is what I think.” Or “This is what I believe.”

Others tend to say “We”. They presume to speak for others, rather than just for themselves. Instead of taking personal responsibility, they blame their behavior on someone or something else. They “triangulate”: rather than own their opinions, they call on an outside authority. Ever hear anyone say “well they say that…” or “lots of people think” ; when they really are just giving their own opinion? This is less than healthy, and in some sense it is a capitulation to the dark side of things. Somehow, denying that one has a dark, shadowy side is a way of giving it free reign. Somehow, to deny responsibility for such allows it to be further in control.

The kitchen in my first house had a fluorescent light. This is supposed to be the closest thing to real, true light. I hated it because it made everything look terrible. It showed every finger print and smudge. And I didn’t look good under this light. It made my face all pale and blotchy. I kept that light off. It is a bit like wishing for no sun on Groundhog’s Day. It is like denying that one has a dark and shadowy side. As long as there is no light, things can stay hidden.

Groundhog’s Day has its roots in traditions that are quite ancient rising up from people that found themselves waiting for the darkness of winter to retire. Christendom rebranded the day as “Candlemas”. This became the day on which candles were blessed. It is a day of light. For them, Jesus Christ is their light.

With the light shining on you, a couple things can happen. You can be afraid and head back into your dark little hole. Or you can live in the light. You can accept the existence of your now exposed dark and shadowy side and take responsibility for it. That is the first step toward developing a healthy personality of your own. Because once you are aware of your own capacity for evil, there is not much that is going shock or scare you, especially your own shadow.